I don’t know about you, but I miss the good ole days in the 90s when you went to the bar. There was this bar in town called the Sun. In my 20s I would go there on Tuesday nights and Saturday nights, dance my ass off and meet guys. It was heaven. There was a lesbian bouncer checking IDs at the front door named Blue.

I remember my first time I ever went in that bar at 25, she looked at my ID, then at me with my blonde hair, preppy clothes and said, “you are new here, I have never seen you before. If anyone messes with you, you come get me and I will take care of them.” I felt safe and at home at that bar. I met a lot of great people there. Some, like Jake, that I am still friends with to this day.

Meeting guys at the club was easy, You were on the dance floor or talking with friends. you say each other across the room and made eye contact. You continued to keep eye contact and follow them and then at some point you met up and started to talk. TALK. I might have even danced with them. Most likely I danced with them and grinded up against them if the song were particularly good. The Sun always played good music.

Guys typically bought me a drink, while we chatted and got to know each other over the loud music.  And just maybe we would even go home together. OR exchange numbers. I wasn’t a total whore. LOL. The main thing is we would talk, get to know each other. unlike today! No one talks. it is constant texting or messaging through the apps. No one wants to be brave and make the first move.

That is one of the things I am learning about these dating apps is all the guys out there are not aggressive. Now I don’t mean aggressive in the literal meaning of the word. Maybe assertive is a better word to use. You get on these apps and it is the same faces every day, all day, month after month. Do they not want to find a a boyfriend or a partner? Do they not want to be with some one long term or are they just on the apps to find their latest hook-up. Sometime I doubt hooking-up is even happening with these wimps on there.

I am learning that no one will take the initiative to actually make the first move. that of they are the creepers who crawl through the apps and prey on guys. I had someone say the other day that he wanted to suck my dick so hard that he could taste some of the pee in my dick? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? Gross! Who saw shit like that?

You start talking to these guys on the apps and they all seem to be the sub! in the sub/dom type scenario. If I don’t reach out to them, they don’t say “boo” back. And some of these guys I have had very good conversations with. It is so demoralizing.

One guy, has said multiple times, “Hey we should get together and do something.” OK, THEN FUCKING ASK ME OUT GODDAMMIT! What are you waiting for? I even gave the guy my number so we could text instead of just chat on the app. We did and still he can’t ask me out. I don’t bite for gods sake. – Unless you want me too. LMAO If you are not the type of guys that can say, “hey, I like talking to you, you seem like someone I would like to know beyond here. Would you like to get coffee or lunch?” The I don’t want to know you!

IS THAT SO FUCKING HARD TO DO! Why do I have to be the one to always do it. I just don’t get it. I would fall over dead if someone actually said, “would you like to go get a drink?”

After being with Kerry for nearly 25 years I know what I don’t want in a person. I don’t want a wimp or a flake. To me, that means I will be carrying the relationship.

I spent my entire previous relationship “taking care” of Kerry. I have always liked older men. And even though he was older than me, he was never self sufficient. I was constantly taking care of things around the house and the financial shit.

Is it bad to say, that I would like someone to take care of me? I don’t mean I want a sugar Daddy. Although that thought sounds good, I think I would go mad. I want an equal. I want someone by my side that takes initiative. But I want someone also who sees when I am down or struggling and puts their arm around me a just touches me. Holds me. Makes me feel safe and secure.

It would be nice if I got pampered every once in a while. A warm bath ran with a glass of wine and my book sitting there waiting for me. A romantic dinner planned. I don’t think I am asking too much.