I could write a book or at least a coffee table photo book about all of the cock photos, butthole photos and a number of other photos men like to introduce themselves with on these dating sites. It is bizarre. it is totally amazing what guys will do. Im floored!

I mean could you imagine back in my day. I just bought myself a rum and coke at the bar and the DJ starts playing one of my many favorite songs from La Bouche. I run to the dance floor with my besties and we start to dance to the beat of the music. The energy is high. The music is loud. We all take our shirts off because the place is hot and well let’s face it, you have to show of your pecs if you are going to get noticed.

There is a lot of sweat and we are grinding away on each other dancing and grooving. Then I see a hot guy across the floor. He’s looking my way. He smiles. I have never seen this God before. His blonde hair (ya I actually like blondes – so how did I end up with a guy with dark hair? I guess we will never know.) matted to his face with sweat.

He has his bestie girl on the floor with him and they are grinding to the music. He positions her in front of him so he can get a better look at me. I hold his gaze and smile. He smiles back. I starts to walk towards me staring at me the entire time.

He gets close. I turn to face him. There are only a few inches between our chests. He smiles at me, turns around, drops his drawers and spreads his butt cheeks so I can see if nice smooth pink hole.

FUCK NO THAT NEVER HAPPENS!

I swear the invention of the internet and the dating apps have made us all clueless in the art of getting to know someone and flirting. Instead, I am sent as a greeting and butthole pic or a dick pick.

Well hello butthole, (not sure how you greet a butthole. do you stick your finger in it. I mean I know how to grab a dick so that could be understood as a dick”shake”? I guess. it is easy to understand then that they are a bottom and you know what they want. Great! That is a relationship starter for sure.

The funny thing is if you do engage in a message convo with a butthole and you ask for more pics. (hoping you get something above the neck) you get more photos of their butthole. Just from different angles. Maybe one will wink at me.

Then the famous question, “do you want to fuck me and breed me.” I mean tempting as it sounds mister butthole, “no, no, I’ll pass” Thank you for the offer though. That was very sweet of you to consider me. Must appreciated. Have a nice day.

But! Ladies and Gentlemen! it does not stop there. I mean I could go on for days about all the different shapes and sizes of cocks I have been presented with, Cut cocks, uncut cocks, short cocks, fat cocks. Pencil cocks, Little cocks. oh my big cocks. you name it, I have seen it. Cocks in buttholes. I am assuming im getting the photo from the top. I can’t always be too sure. it’s a guessing game on that one.

But then you have the really classy guys that tell you they want to suck your cock so hard they can taste the pee coming out of it. um, oh. wow. As awesome and thrilling as that sounds, “no, no, I’ll pass” im just not sure I have enough left over pee in me to fulfill your desire. I’d hate to disappoint you and then you wouldn’t like me or consider me “all dried up.” I have enough anxiety over other things. I don’t want to add this one to the list. Thank you though!

Oh this one is a gas! “Don’t you think you would find it sexy to see me sitting across from you at a table knowing I have women’s Lingerie on underneath?” Now I need to provide some context to this propositions. I received from Mr. Pantie Man, several photos of him is women’s sexy lingerie. my favorite was the red one.

But he did send me this one of him and a black bustier that came up just under his chest – no breasts. this made him look like he had breasts. He was proud of that one there. Super proud. and I get the comment, “do you see how it makes me look like I have boops?’ Yes, I can see that. bully for you! good job!

“Do you want to go to dinner?” Hey at least someone asked me out! That is the best offer I have had so far. But, “no, no, I’ll pass Mr. Pantie Man.” As good as those man boobs look on you, I’m into something a bit more traditional. Call me old fashion. But I like a good ole pair of boxer shorts. Maybe even some tights whities. I could get a little crazy, and hold out for a jock strap. I mean I don’t want to get wild or anything.

So, I guess for now, I will continue to scroll through the endless emails of cocks and buttholes and maybe one day I will find my Prince Charming and he will not want to suck my pee out or wear women’s lingerie. Im just putting that out there!