I listened to the audio book “Red, White & Royal Blue,” while I have been driving from place to place on this trip. I have now watched the movie on Amazon Prime twice. It is the story about the 1st son of the President of the United States, and the 2nd Prince of England, being enemies and their relationship turning into lovers and coming out to the world. It is a touching story and I cried several times as I was driving. Thank God I was by myself in my truck.

I kept thinking to myself. “I want a romance like that.” Now I know they glitz it up for readership and viewership. But why can’t a gay man of my age, 55 be allowed to want something close to resembling that type of romance? To know he is wanted, needed, yearned for, lusted after. I don’t think that is out of the realm of possibility.

I wanted to watch the movie with Josh hoping it would spark something in him. I remember as I was listening to the book and thinking that my situation with Josh currently was in no way similar at all to Henrie and Alex. I felt like it was a red flag and again I should have followed my gut instinct to end this and walk away. Maybe Josh had more guts than me. I still think it was shitty the way he did it. He showed his true colors.

So I feel like I should just find me a very compatible or several Fuck Buddies. Guys who can call on each other when we are damn horny and in need of a good dick down to come over and fuck the shit out of each other. Know what the situation is for each other and then can go home. We don’t have to deal with emotions,. I am not wanting emotions right now. Just good clean fun raunchy sex.

Speaking of sex.  My friend David and is partner Steve have become somewhat of that for me. Dave is 62 and Steve is 30 and we have had 3-somes now 3 times? He told me yesterday as I was telling him about breaking things off with Josh that 1. I deserved better, and 2. I will always be a part of their throuple. In some way that made me feel real good.

I was laying in bed this morning, thinking, and knowing that we have fun in bed. We can make each other feel good. I can even direct both of them to do what I want. And we have FUN!

Which lead me to the dating apps for gay men. Scruff is my app of choice because it has men my age and younger men interested in men my age on the site. This is the app Kerry accused me of using to cheat on him because I have a profile on there. He knew about it long before someone ratted me out. And I don’t care. I never hooked up with someone from the site but I am going to now! ALOT!

After Josh fucked shit up, the next day 3-4 guys hit me up and have been talking with me and connected with me. They all want to get together with me when I get home from camping and I say, FUCK IT! Hell yes I am going to put my neck out there and have good ole nasty fun sex. Bring on the dating apps!

Up to this point Jerking off in the morning to Porn was so much easier and convenient. I didn’t have to converse with another guy, schedule a time, hope they don’t flake. Jerking off is so much more simple. I can get up in the morning, Make my coffee, flip open my laptop and after scrolling through Facebook or Instagram, whip my dick out, pull up one of my favorite porn sites and GO TO TOWN! then I am good.

Ya hear that Kerry? That is what I was doing. I wasn’t cheating on you. LOL. FYI, I talk to him from time to time now that he is dead. I hope that doesn’t make me sound weird. Although my dogs do look at me funny.