Ok, so I need to get something off of my chest. this has been bothering me a lot lately and I cannot seem to shake it.  Here is the question. “WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO HAVE A BOYFRIEND?”

I went to dinner recently with a friend who was going through a nasty divorce from his husband. I wanted to hear how he was doing because I care about it. I may even “like” him a bit. But I don’t think we are compatible. Who’s to say though right? I actually asked him what led up to him asking for a divorce. God I could hear Kerry in all of it.

I think his husband is a loser and my friend now agrees. I felt our situations were very similar to each other and our former partners. We were the bread winners in the family. We made all the money and our partners let everyone think, including their family they had the money. They would also tell us how to spend our money. they would dictate what kind of cars we could buy, but then they would want the more fancy car.

I know that in my situation, if I went against Kerry, I paid the price. Dirty looks, silent treatment, side glances. He would always make sure he made fun of me in public. He would talk bad about me in front of me to our friends. That was always so fun to endure.

At dinner, my friend told me he has found. a guy he is interested in and has been dating. WOW, I am thinking in my head. He is just out of a 17 year relationship. 12 of which he was married and he is already dating. This blows my mind. How can you recently free yourself from such a toxic relationship only to jump right into another one? I have remained firm that I don’t want one, yet.

Now I am second guessing myself. Do I want a boyfriend? Do I want a companion. OH I KNOW, I will never get married! Not getting married saved my mother fucking ass when it came to my assets. I will always protect those assets because I worked very hard to get where I am at and I will not let any fucking freeloader destroy that.

Being down here in Southern Utah and riding round in the dirt has got me to thinking. I know I want a camping buddy, someone to share these memories with. Someone to go riding in my side by side with. My sister Belinda and Her partner Brian, (I call him my brother) are down here. We camp all the time together. But I am always the 3rd wheel doing this on my own.

They have both brought up to me that I should get me a camping buddy. I have always joked back, “They don’t have to sleep in my trailer with me do that?” I don’t say that anymore. I would gladly have them sleep in my trailer with me. It would be nice to have someone ride with me on these long journey’s pulling my RV.

Monday, on Presidents day, We went on a 100 mile round trip ride in our side by sides out to a place called Mt. Trumbull Schoolhouse. they rode with each other and their dog, Maggie. While I rode by myself and just had my music to keep me company. It would have been nice to have a guy next to me to be able to talk to, laugh with, have fun with on that ride. I guess I am going to start looking for a “Camping Buddy.”