Saying goodbye is not easy. Not being allowed to mourn openly with family is even more difficult. But I have dealt with it and I am moving through it. Today I am letting Kerry go. I am letting go of the hurt, the pain, the anger, and the sadness.

I have heard stories that at all the memorials held in Kerry’s honor he was truly not honored. He was remember as a person his family wanted to remember, not who he really was. and God forbid my name be mentioned. I even heard the photo albums shown at these memorials had photos of Kerry where I had been cut out. Sad. But I don’t care.

I never got to pick up Kerry’s ashes or have closure in that way. But I have had my closure. I have talked to the sky, to the ceiling in my home, and I am pretty sure my dogs think I am crazy. But I have hashed things out with Kerry. He knows that Man I am. He knows. and I am ok with that.

So today I am saying my final goodbye. I will cherish all of the memories we have shared over the years. I will remember Kerry for the person he was. Not the person he had become. I will remember the good, kind, loving, man Kerry was. I will remember him as the life of the party.

I will believe he is upstairs telling all of his stories and reminiscing with all of those who went before him.

Today I say goodbye.