May 19th 2023:
Standing in line for the rollercoaster full of excitement and anticipation for the pending ride. You get into the car. You buckle up. You are told to keep your hands and feet inside the car at all times and then told to enjoy the ride!
You anxiously hold on as the car creeps slowly up to the top of that first hill. Then – you drop! The care speeds up and you hang on for dear life! The car is dropping fast and furious down that first hill and you are holding on to the bar, laughing maybe or screaming. Sometimes both. Your heart is in your chest.
You careen around corners. There are ups and down and flips upside down. It all seems too exciting, and it all goes so fast. Before you know it, you are coming around the last corner and you begin to slow as you head back to the starting point.
Then – the roller coaster stops.
Today the roller coaster stopped after nearly 25 years. This coming Memorial Day weekend would have been Kerry Sanford’s and my 25th anniversary. Time goes by so fast. Some days are faster than the others.
We were estranged since August 15th, 2022. We can’t say divorced because we never married. But we were together for better or for worse, in sickness and health for almost 25 years.
Today I received a voicemail from your niece Haley, while I was at my BNI meeting in Sandy @ Athena Coffee. After the meeting, I came home to barking dogs as usual. They are always excited to see me. All 5 of them. I am sure they miss you.
I was checking my email and I read the voicemail from Haley. I was having difficulty placing the name because you and I had not heard from her in years. I was also trying to grasp context of the voicemail because it was not interpreted correctly. I had to read it several times. It seemed like she was saying that she didn’t know if I knew or not but that you had passed away. I could not quite wrap my head around it. But my heart started jumping into my throat as I called the number she left.
Haley didn’t answer. So, I sent her a text and she responded quickly. She had been in a meeting and called almost immediately after I received her text back. I asked her what happened and what was she trying to tell me.
She said Zach, your nephew, and her middle brother had called her and told her that you had been found in a hotel by the police in Kansas, Dead. At that point, she did not know much more than that.
Zach had told her that you had a will. I corrected her and told her it was a trust. She was told by Zach that You had given her pretty much everything and there were some things that went to me. She also reminded me that I was the executor of your trust. FUCK.
I told her I had sent the only hard copy we had with you when you moved out and I packed it in your truck for you along with all of your other possessions. She was very stoic on the other end of the phone there was really no emotion from her.
I could not tell if she was sad you had passed. She told me she was estranged from all of the family and had not talked to any of them in years. You and I sort of knew that. I remember you always commenting that you did not know why. I also knew she was your girl. You loved her very much. She was your first-born niece and you spoiled her. I made sure I told her that several times on the phone. I cried as I told her how much you loved her.